WAYS TO DEAL WITH A CHEATING MATE

Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild a relationship:

1. APPROACH WITH CAUTION

Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner’s infidelity. Don’t charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your partner will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like “I've noticed you've been distant lately, why is this?” If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, he/she’ll be more likely to open up to you.

2. TALK IT OUT

Once you’ve opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was he/her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? [Read INFIDELITY IN RELATIONSHIPS] Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it’s the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making him/her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt his/her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!

3. PROBLEM SOLVE

Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there’s no hope of fixing what’s wrong. If he/she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe him/her. Make a special effort to tune into him/her more from now on. If he/she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy his/her needs, then designate one day a week as a “date night” and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to his/her complaints and requests, it’s unlikely that she’ll feel the need to cheat again.

4. FORGIVE AND FORGET – IF YOU CAN

This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past, your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn’t salvageable – is he/she simply someone who can’t be trusted? If so, if you “forgive and forget” and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave him/her no reason to cheat, it may be that his/her own personal issues led him/her to be unfaithful.

If that’s the case, then nothing you do or say will keep him/her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you’re willing to do what It takes to make it work, then you’ll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there’ll always be a wall between the two of you.

5. KEEP COMMUNICATION OPEN

Now that you've had a good, long talk about why he/she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer’s simple – keep talking. If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don’t fall victim to “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” thinking – running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you’re sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate – but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity.

If your worst fears are confirmed and he/she is cheating, don’t feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail – it’s very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody’s perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it’s worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result.
Good Luck!

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