EXPECTATION LEADS TO HEARTACHE

I saw this pinned on pinterest some time ago (thanks to Megan for pinning it!) and thought it would make a good blog topic.

Most of us have expectations for the people in our lives, and we expect life events to go a certain way, especially if we've planned them. Having some expectations is a good thing - you don't want to be living with a vagabond fool spouse or endure crappy working conditions because you didn't strive for better - but getting too caught up in expectations is setting yourself up for disappointment. Having a baseline of how you should be treated is good - going off the rails based on unrealistic expectations is not good.

To avoid disappointment and heartache in almost any situation, examine and adjust your expectations.
When things don't go how we think they should, we say "Why me?" or "It's not fair!"To the first point, why not you? To the second, it's my contention that nothing in life is fair - we all have a different concept of what fair is, and 99.9% of the time the universe does not provide a fair that two of us can agree on. We're not always going to get what we expect, or what we think we deserve. That's just a fact of life. [Read:HOW TO AVOID HEARTACHE.]

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes in playing a poor hand well." 
It sucks to feel let down by someone important to you. People are not mind readers, and even though we think they should know what we need or want because they know us so well/long/etc, the fact is that sometimes we have to tell them. Now, if you tell them and they STILL suck, give them the boot.

*Consider having zero expectations...
"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed."
If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed. We all have expectations. We not only have them, we need them. They fuel our dreams, our hopes, and our lives like some super-caffeinated energy drink.

That would be nice, right? But we all know that it's unrealistic to go through life with NO expectations. They sneak in the sides of our mind and whisper to us, beckoning us to believe and hope and expect good things. Being conscious of them and managing them is what's important, along with always knowing that you are the captain of your own ship. You can't expect others to fix things for you - that's your job. It's nice when they do, but don't depend on others to improve your universe. You are in charge of your life.

The sooner we learn that life isn't fair and things aren't always going to go our way, the happier we'll be. Going into something with little expectation is very freeing. You can be pleasantly surprised with a good outcome, and at the very least you'll appreciate the small things you miss when you're busy thinking about how things should be going differently. Managing expectations means less time wasted waiting for our desired outcome and more time being present and living.
The only person on this earth who is responsible for your happiness is you.

The moral of the story is that managing your expectations will increase your overall happiness in any SHIP you find yourself (Relationship, Friendship, Courtship e.t.c).
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WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

Relationships fail often. It’s a fact of life. Most Relationships fail because of Trust issues, Commitment issues and Communication issues.

The problem, though, is that some people learn that their relationships are headed for failure, and they learn it the hard way.
So if you’re aiming for a relationship that’s practically fail-proof, you’d have to know some of the reasons why so many relationships end badly.
The failure of a relationship can be attributed to one or a combination of the following factors.
So if you find that your relationship is facing these problems, it may be best to try and work it out so it doesn’t ruin the hard work you’ve put into your relationship.

 1. DOMINANCE. This is the opposite of sacrificing too much. Instead, you expect your partner to be at your beck and call, or else, they will be sorry! Instead of fostering a relationship based on love and trust, you’re instilling fear into your partner.
What this does is force your partner to be miserable and helpless or it can lead them to lie, sneak around or even find someone else’s shoulder or bed just to avoid your wrath and their misery.

2. JEALOUSY. If you’re the one who’s jealous, you’re probably always going to be snooping around to check if your partner is faithful to you. Just one instance of you seeing them chatting with someone whom you consider a threat, and you’ll unleash a barrage of accusations.
On the other hand, if your partner is the jealous one, you may find yourself sacrificing your happiness just so you don’t get hit with the barrage of accusations.

3. SEEKING JOY FROM YOUR PARTNER. This is common among people who have either low self-esteem or have very few good things going on in their life. The problem with this is that it may put too much pressure on your partner. How? It will always feel like your partner has such a huge role in your life, and that without him/her, you’d be a miserable heap of tears. This kind of dependence is not healthy in any kind of relationship!

4. MUCH SACRIFICE. There may be times when you forego your own desires so you can make your partner happy. This is called a sacrifice.
But if you keep doing this and your partner learns that they can easily ignore your wants, you’ll start to feel your sacrifice taking its toll on you. One day, you might wake up and feel so used that you end up snapping and breaking up with your partner.

5. SELFISHNESS. Selfishness in both of you will lead to a tug-of-war for who gets the final say in things. You can’t always get what you want, and neither can your partner. If neither of you are willing to compromise to make your relationship work, then you can both find someone who’ll be more accommodating to your every want and need. Good luck with that!

6. FINDING FAULTS. Honesty matters in a relationship. But being too blunt about your partner’s faults all the time may make them feel they’re always under your constant scrutiny. Not only will you slowly pick at their self-esteem, but you might also push them towards the arms of someone who’s much more accepting of their faults.

7. NO TIME. Even if you both have a busy lifestyle, you still need to set aside time for each other just to keep the relationship going. A five-minute phone call or a text exchange may be enough to let you work through a time when you’re too busy for anything.
If you don’t spare even a few minutes for your partner, neglect starts and that will definitely eat away at your relationship.

8. DISTANCE. There’s nothing wrong with having a long distance relationship. In fact, some relationships are tested and made stronger by the physical distance. However, the distance can bring about problems such as a lack of time for each other or lack of physical intimacy.
Unless you make an effort so you can finally be in the same zip code, these relationships usually break under the strain.

9. AMBITIONS. When you get deeper into a relationship, you may find out that you and your partner may have different goals for the future. One of you may want to focus on your career, while the other would like to start a family soon. This can lead to conflict when it comes to making big decisions in your life. If left without compromise, the rift in your desires may end up causing a rift between the two of you.
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REASONS WHY A GIRL MAY FLIRT WITH YOU EVEN IF SHE HAS A GUY

Girls and guys are pretty similar when it comes to attraction. And both sexes like attention. But while a guy with a girlfriend tries to woo a girl, he does it because he wants to win her or he’s sexually attracted to her.
But a girl with a boyfriend could have many other reasons to get your attention. Here are 6 reasons why a girl who’s dating a guy may want you.

1. Just for fun! She likes your attention. Period. She wants your attention and she wants you to like her because she likes it.

2. She’s hot stuff. A girl with a boyfriend may want your attention just to convince herself that she’s still sexy and all that, and hot enough to win your attention. She wants an ego boost, and she’s using you to get it!

3. She’s unhappy. Her boyfriend may not be giving her enough attention, or he may be a bad boyfriend who doesn’t treat her right. She’s unhappy, and being with you makes her happy.

4. She wants more. Some girls are just annoying and a pain in the backside. They may have a perfect relationship with their own boyfriend, but they still want more. Perhaps, her boyfriend’s attention isn’t enough for her. And now she wants yours too.

5. She’s genuinely attracted to you. The girl you like may really like you, and she may love your attention too. But she’s dating a guy and she doesn’t want to lose him because she does think he’s a great guy too. She’s got a crush on you and she doesn’t plan on doing anything about it.

6. Moral dilemma. Every now and then, you may come across this scenario where the girl with a boyfriend genuinely likes you and wants to date you. She may be unhappy in her own relationship, and she may truly believe that she’d be happier in your arms. But she’s too nice to break up with her own guy, because she doesn’t want to break his heart.
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SIGNS HE'S NOT JUST INTO YOU

Yes, the old clichés are true: the truth hurts and it also sets you free. Here are signs that he’s not just into you.

*He says he’s not relationship material.

Listen to what he says. If he says that he’s not looking for a relationship, he doesn’t believe in marriage, he’s not relationship material, or he’s just “having fun,” don’t try to read beyond those words. Either he’s not into you, or he’s not into commitment in general. Take him at his word and move on to someone who values relationships the way you do.

*He encourages you to date other people.

If your date encourages you to date other people, it’s not because he wants to experience the enlightenment that comes with multiple dinner-plans partners; he’s just not into you enough to want you all to himself. If he’s still dating other people and you’re at a stage where you feel you should be exclusive, then he’s not ready to commit to anyone. If he talks about those other girls, then he tells them about you, too. A man who is into you will want you exclusively and would be incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of you making romantic plans with other men.

*He won’t hold your hand in public.

You kiss in private, but he won’t go near you when you’re out in public. If he doesn’t want people to think you’re a couple, he probably introduces you to people you run into as his “friend,” right? you probably aren’t one, or shouldn’t be. You want to be with someone who’s proud to be associated with you.

*He avoids introducing you to his friends and family.

If he neglects to meet your family or don't want you to meet his parents, he’s probably not into you; especially if you’ve been dating for a while. No, you don’t need to meet Mom and Dad after date two, but when you sense an avoidance strategy, he likely has one foot out the door. A guy who’s nuts about you will want his family and best friends to know how great you are, too.

*He doesn’t return calls within 24 hours.

First, if you’re the only person calling and texting, evaluate your date’s interest in the relationship. Secondly, if your texts are consistently not getting responses within 24 hours, he’s not into you. When you’re crazy about someone, you can find thirty seconds to respond, even if it’s just a quick explanation as to why he’ll have to respond in greater detail later. Don’t hound the object of your affection, but expect him to be respectful enough to respond when you try to contact him.


Biggest red flag ever: If he doesn’t actually ask you out, he’s not into you. A man who wants you will make sure you know it. [Read:85 FACTS ABOUT GUYS]

Looking back, what were signs in your past relationship that he wasn't interested? How long did it take you to see the red flags?
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WHEN SHOULD YOU LET GO OF A RELATIONSHIP?

There are different reasons to let go of a relationship and walk away. Here are 10 reasons why a relationship may be doomed to failure and pain. And if you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms, perhaps it’s time to end your romance.

#1. You’re convinced that you can never have a happy ending.

#2. It’s a complicated relationship.

#3. You think you’re way better than your partner and deserve someone who treats you better.

#4. You don’t respect your partner or your partner doesn’t respect you.

#5. Your partner constantly cheats on you, even after getting caught. [Read:HOW TO LET GO OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS BAD]

#6. You’re being taken for granted by your lover.

#7. There’s no focus on your life and your wants in the relationship.

#8. When you’re not ready for the relationship and the commitments it requires.

#9. You don’t trust your partner anymore. [Read:SIGNS HE'S NOT JUST INTO YOU]

#10. If you’re constantly frustrated and you don’t know why.

Prepare yourself for what could happen after you let go of the relationship.
You may meet someone who loves you and treats you better. You may be happier than you could ever imagine.

On the other hand, your lover too may date someone else, may spread rumors or even stalk you. Think of possible future scenarios and work your own solutions to how you would want to handle it. It’s always better to be prepared for anything the world throws at you after you let go of the relationship.

If you make a conscious effort to get over it, you can. Learn to walk away and the rest of your life will sort itself out.

If you ever find yourself having second thoughts about getting back with your ex again, try to weigh the pros and cons. Remind yourself of the reasons for breaking up and ask yourself if you’re ready to face those same frustrations all over again.
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